STEP DAD? IS THIS IN THE "BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN"?
If you are a divorced father you will most likely have to deal with the Step-Dad at one time or another in your life. Sometimes this can be an experience that is terrific because both see the importance of acting mature for the sake of the child. Even if the child(ren)'s Mom has multiple personalities, a mature and caring Step-Dad can help you as a father in making sure the kids are cared for, loved, coached, and so much more that comes with being a Dad or Step-Dad. Working together in harmony can occur as long as you both do not feel threatened by the other in one fashion or another.
What would you think of a Step-Dad that stated you (the Dad) sending gifts to the other house (the mom's house) was wrong. I should clarify this more...gifts to the kids (NOT the ex-wife). What if psycho step-Dad stated you sending gifts to their house for the kids was "rubbing their nose in it"? How would you respond? For example, lets say you were out of town training for your new job and were away for two weeks. You promised your kids that you would send them something at their "other house" so that they knew how much you missed them and were thinking of them. How is this wrong? This is about the kids and nothing more! How could anyone feel even remotely threatened by this? Perhaps the Step-Dad has "small man syndrome"? Odds are he probably drives the largest Ford or Chevy Pickup truck on the market and collects guns as a hobby. The pickup truck would have to be a diesel because they make more noise (more noise = more manly) and would most likely have the decal of the stupid boy urinating on a Chevy or Ford symbol. He also probably counts the number of guns at night that he owns, has wet dreams about the number of deer he will slaughter during hunting season, and probably has names for each gun...for example, "Lucky" or "Cowboy". Even if they have the previously stated "syndromes" how could anyone honestly not be happy for the children? The connection between children and their biological Dad is extremely important. A Step-Dad is NOT a replacement and this has been proved in numerous research studies and is noted in the famous children's rights book, " The Rights of Children in Separation and Divorce" by Robert Prall. I am open to comments for this posting.
posted by "Father": A Child's Right.org @ 5:20 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
"Small man" step-dad? Imagine having to deal with a step-dad with "know it all" syndrome. You know the type -- always right, knows more than all the experts, moves into the family home a month after the separation, lies about it to the child's therapist, and dismisses concerns with "when is the right time?" Believes that anyone who disagrees with him "has psychological problems"(even the psychologist doing the custody evaluation!). Proclaims to the world that he is the "best thing that ever happened" to your kids. Has your kids calling him "Daddy" so as not to confuse the child he fathered with your ex BEFORE the divorce papers were even drafted. Promises to never, ever give up fighting for sole custody (of YOUR kids). Refers to you as "slimey" and regularly calls the police on you for perceived parenting time infractions. Regularly tries to give you parenting advice. Makes sure your kids know "who their real father is" (and it's NOT you, even if you were involved biologically). Dismisses and ridicules any and all legitimate claims, concerns, and complaints you may share. Imagine someone who looks respectable, calm, collected, educated and appears to present reasonable arguments to the biased court system. Imagine someone who by almost all outward appearances looks to be the "step-dad of the year." Imagine someone who even your 15-year-old daughter sees is the cause of most of the difficulties between you and your puppet of an ex-wife. Imagine a man who doesn't think twice about lying to your children, manipulating them, arranging situations where you can't help but end up looking like the bitter, angry, unreasonable one to your children, bribing your children with things they've dreamed about on the condition that they request to live primarily with their mother. Imagine a system that is blind to this behavior and biased toward fathers. Imagine a system that sees nothing wrong with a mom not being able to make a decision without step-dad or an attorney present. Imagine a system that sees nothing wrong with an articulate, college-educated woman needing the support of not one but two attorneys in child-support hearings and parenting-time evaluations -- when dad can't even afford one. Imagine a system that agrees to consider mom's suggestion of "primary possession" and chastises and lectures dad at length for even suggesting that a change in custody -- the dreaded "C" word -- might be best... and a system that chalks dad's complaints up to "being upset that teenage daughter's extracurricular activities interfere with his parenting time." Imagine a system where the fate of your relationship with your children hangs on the recommendation of a woman who uses phrases like "going home" with mom's house versus "going to dad's house" for dad's. Imagine a system that will drastically change an established parenting time schedule based on separate one-hour interviews with mom (with attorney) and dad (alone) and less than a half hour each with each of your children, whom she never even asks where they want to live. Imagine a step-dad and mom who insist on para-phrasing all your parenting correspondence to them with your 15-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son "so they can see who is being unreasonable." Imagine putting up with all of this for over 10 years, with no end in sight, and a system, experts and even friends and family putting half the blame on you with "will you two just stop your fighting!" Imagine a system that encourages dad's to "just walk away." Imagine a Judge who berates you in court for fighting for your right to your parenting time with your son, a judge who will not even let you say two words in your defense. Imagine a system where a Judge insists that you get your children to all of the activities mom conveniently arranges for your parenting time, during the time you're at work and can't possibly provide the transportation. Imagine a system that can't see where the problem lies when mom is "suggesting primary possession" and dad is requesting "shared parenting."
In my wildest dreams, I could never have imagined this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy... But I will never, ever give up fighting to stay involved in the lives of my children.
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